I’ve been a Pastors Kid (PK) for a large part of my life now. My dad was called into ministry just before I entered high school. It was a life change that I was not ready for, purely because I didn’t know how difficult this road would be. I remember the night before my dad was about to be ordained into ministry my mom sat me down and said, “We are all graced for this new role, not just dad”. Today I think she was trying to reassure herself as much as she was trying to reassure me because being a pastor’s wife is the hardest role I’ve ever witnessed, but that’s a story for another day. For now, I’d like to drop some truths that we need you to know!
- Don’t base your life on what I do
Growing up I hated when someone would say “Well if Pastors Daughter can then so can I”. The problem with this statement is that I am 100% human, 100% made of clay, JUST. LIKE. YOU. That means that we will definitely mess up along the way. If you follow me, you could be following me down the wrong path. We’d prefer if you based your life on Jesus, its much safer for you and me.
- Judgement doesn’t benefit either of us
There is so much judgement passed by onlookers and it’s painful to deal with. Every detail of our lives is scrutinized, our clothes, our friends, the way we walk, talk, sit, lift our hands… it’s all under a magnifying glass. Firstly, we’re trying to figure ourselves out and we need room to do this. Secondly, Jesus didn’t come to judge anyone but to redeem everyone. He looked at people with eyes of compassion and gently helped them receive redemption through love. So, when you use judgement, you’ll turn us away and fail in your duty as a believer.
- Sharing our parents is a sacrifice, but we make it anyway
Our parents are called out to your weddings, funerals, hospital beds, family events. Then there’s the hours spent in preparation to teach you Gods Word. We love that through all these actions you have come to know God and have been comforted by the love of Jesus. It makes the sacrifice worth it. Just remember that the time spent with you is time taken away from our school events, weekend plans, family holidays, and sometimes even birthdays. Appreciate their time because we’ve had to share their time with you.
- This walk is lonely
It’s hard to walk in leadership or alongside any leader. People often take advantage of your trust or misuse the relationship for personal gain. That leaves leaders in a position where they can’t share their heart for the fear of it being used against them. This is true for PK’s as well. We could open up and show you our hearts and walk with you only for you to use it against us in the future. This leaves us feeling very lonely and wary of relationships.
If you are a PK reading this, I know your pain, I’ve walked, and am still walking this road. There is a reward for your faithfulness. Never let church people hurt you because people are imperfect, and they will do what imperfect people do. Remember that you should let people be people and let God be God. We serve Him in His perfection and loving kindness.
If you’re a congregant remember to go easy on your Pastors family. They are giving more than what is considered normal and sharing a large portion of their lives with you. Honour and respect that.
May all that we do be done in love and kindness… and may your lives be punctuated with Joy!
Love and Bubbly Joy